thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
