She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
