i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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