If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
50% drunk capacity currently
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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