haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
