How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
