I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
