Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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