ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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