I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
