Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Randomize
