hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
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