His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
