I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
