I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
