I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Randomize
