My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
