I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
