i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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