he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
You peed on a flamingo?!?
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
