Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
