Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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