i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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