Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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