Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
