i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
