My boss' voice literally gives me gas
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Randomize
