I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I enjoy the company of your penis
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize