i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
The air was thick with penises
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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