Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
The air was thick with penises
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Randomize
