you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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