Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
