it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
