no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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