you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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