So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Boobs speak an international language.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
