Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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