A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
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