in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
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