real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
