NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
