i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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