Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
