Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
