tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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