He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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