are you still at the devil's house?
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Randomize
