Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
