She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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