you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
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