I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
