Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
im about as happy as oj after his trial
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
