Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
