Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
You did what with his pubic hair?
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
