NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
