it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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