Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
and you said cock pushups were impossible
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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