Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
