Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
