fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
