I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
