whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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