Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
