He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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