I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize