i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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