Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
