I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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