My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
