Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
