Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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