Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
