I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Randomize
