Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I supernannyed him into submission
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
