i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
