she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Randomize
