God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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