oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
