8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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