haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
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