i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Randomize
