I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize