they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
