in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
