he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
