I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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