May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
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