There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
