I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
