every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
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