I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
