wanna go halves on a baby?
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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