hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
