Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Randomize
