I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
That reminds me...we need to get swords
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Randomize
