In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
smell my finger.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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