I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
