In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Mom said you looked used
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
