I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Randomize
