She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Randomize
