shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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