where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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